New Year’s Resolutions and Turtles.

I’m due for a blog post. Yet..
The topics that have been muddling in my head are as follows:
– Fathers: A humorous look into how they failed and how they compensated.
       (I have two fathers, several father figures and I love them all deeply even though they are not
– Parenting advice: We all suck at parenting, here are some tips.
        (Which you will read, only be reminded that yes, you DO suck as a parent, have probably screwed
        up your children and tips you will forget immediately only to remember .0001 seconds AFTER you
        did not enact them.)
– Illness while raising children: Dads go to bed, Moms continue to operate as normal even though
   their arm just fell off.
(I AM sick. My husband has been amazing in letting me rest, and it’s usually my own stubbornness
           that keeps me out of bed because I think he can’t handle it. OK so the dishes didn’t get done.
           Who cares? The kids are alive. And he even had to take one to the ER!)
So, where does this leave me? No topic, but feeling compelled to produce ( the sad story of women kind, no husband, but expected to produce)
Also,before I continue, it should be noted that I have been listening to Bossypants and Yes Please! for inspiration. The sarcasm and humor you read is me channeling my spirit animals Fey and Poehler. If you believe this is a law firm located on a street corner somewhere in a large city, we cannot be friends.

Here’s where I am going to go: New Year’s Resolutions. Yes. It has an apostrophe. Only New Years can OWN resolutions. We do not resolute to do anything on Easter, or the Fourth of July, or Labor Day or our birthdays (except maybe to forget them…)

I think NYR are a scam made up by gyms, swimsuit companies and candy companies. Don’t lie. You actually end up eating MORE candy when you have sworn it off.
I have done them in the past. I have failed all of mine by the first three days.
Resolutions are either choosing to do more of something such as working out more, or eating more fruits and veggies or calling our mothers more. Which we won’t do because our mothers will just remind us to do the first two above as well as reminding us of the other areas in life we have failed. Such as the cleanliness of our house  your current hair cut, or if your single… she’ll remind you that Lenny down the street just divorced his wife and while isn’t looking for a serious relationship right now… could use someone to invite him out to the church singles group.
NYR can also mean doing less. Eating less candy (again, a scam), hanging out with a toxic person less, caring less about what others think or watching TV. less. But less really is more because no matter how we want to do less, we just end up eating more candy while watching TV with the person who we have sworn off.
Why do we participate in such a silly ritual? I SERIOUSLY saw a headline on a reputable news station that did a report that the local gyms had seen an increase in memberships since the New Year.
I am ashamed for that editor AND so sad for the intern they made cover that story. Covering a story on a cat fashion show would have been better than that.

Why do we enjoy setting ourselves up for failure? Do we do it so that in three days to 6 weeks we have a legit excuse to wallow in self pity and eat more candy? Has America become THAT individualistic that we knowingly set standards high so we can fail and have an excuse for others to coddle our miserable selves?

I am educated enough that I could take the time to name theologians and psychiatrists who would answer yes and what their arguments would be etc… instead, I want to say this…
Choose to forgo the NYR. Choose to be content with where you are. Oh I know…we are so focused on growth and change and doing better and focusing on our failures and we are lazy if we aren’t growing and growth is a sign of maturity and yada yada…
This year I choose to not have a NYR. Not because I know I would fail, (but we all know I would…)
but because I think maybe it’s OK to just be where we are at right now.
I choose to be OK with the extra ten pounds clinging, no clawing,  to my thighs for dear life left over from my last pregnancy… a year and a half ago…
I choose to be OK with my house being just a little bit (COUGH CHOKE SNORT) ok… a lot bit messy because it means people LIVE here. Not just sleep here, but have fun here, learn here, make meals here, love here, explore here and create here.
I choose to be OK with the amount of candy and booze I consume. They are not a danger to my health (yet) and sometimes it’s OK to “TREAT YO’ SELF!”
I choose to be OK with my wardrobe. I am a SAHM. I don’t go anywhere except to get groceries and to my kid’s doctor because they have had more illnesses than days there are in the calendar year. If I want to wear leggings, or yoga pants or a princess dress with a tiara… then I will.
I choose to be OK with not traveling more or not learning how to play the Cello, or learning a new language or remembering to be kind every day or remembering to hug ten strangers or … whatever it is you think you ought to do.

Growth is slow. It takes time. It surely takes a whole lot more time than 6 weeks. REAL growth, REAL change happens slowly. Like that stupid turtle who won that race that one time.
I’m not sure I believe it… I’m pretty sure he was doping with some hard core stuff. I mean look at his little legs…

Sorry Rabbit trail…
I know they say habits only take 21 (or 28) days to create. My husband and I are arguing about the timing right now… Welcome to life with two future psychiatrists.
But I’m skeptic. If that were true, we would all be great at everything people. And we are not. We all have parts that suck. And we all have parts that are awesome.
So, choose to forgo the New Year’s Resolutions and choose to keep plodding on as is. You’re doing just fine. In fact, you’re probably doing awesome.
If you don’t believe that, call your mother… she’ll tell you. She’ll tell you that in spite of your hips, you are beautiful. She’ll tell you that though your haircut makes you look like a walking mushroom, your skin looks fabulous. She’ll tell you that even though Lenny is single, you are better off doing what you want. She’ll tell you that even though you feel exhausted as a parent, you are doing an awesome job and that she is proud of you. All of these by the way are her just patting her own back because it means she succeeded as a parent. It’s a Win Win. Except for Lenny… he’s still lonely.
If you don’t have a mother, just find someone else’s. Seriously. Steal a mother and ask her to coffee. Mothers are always looking for more children. That’s just something we don’t have to resolute to do…

p.s. I don’t know who to credit for this photo, but if it’s yours, it’s awesome… and e-mail to give you credit.

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