Here. Part One

Momma? Are you there?
Daddy isn’t my world anymore.
He’s not my safe place that saves me solely.
Momma. I wasn’t settled. I came downstairs trying to find you.
Momma. I need you.Look Momma. Look at the pictures on the wall.
My Daddy. My Momma. On the wall. I see your pictures on the wall.
Momma? Are you there?
I need you.
Right here.
I need you on the side Daddy isn’t o
My Momma, my Ellie, and my Daddy.
Two. One. Zero.
Zero I’m scared with you here.
Momma? Are you there?
I need you.
I need to feel surrounded.
Who needs their own bed Momma when I have you.
Who needs my own bed my Ellie when I have you.
Part One.

Much of the imagery and wording in this late night poem are repeating phrases and exchanges we have with our AD on a daily basis. (Ellie is not her full name)
Daddy was her sole safe place for years. Two weeks after finalizing that changed. I let my guard down. I went all in. Now she needs both of us. Every night she sneaks into our bed and curls right in like we create a little den of safety with our bodies.
Hyper vigilance at its finest.
“My Ellie” is how she refers to herself.
Always, “My Ellie.” As I am writing this she rolled over mumbling, momma? Momma?” I’m here Ellie.

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