In my past life in the fog, I could tend to be a bit … o.k.A LOT… fickle.
In Middle and High School, I changed musical instruments as often as I changed my crushes. The trombone… the Trumpet… the Flute… the clarinet… I’ve tried them all.
But my DREAM instrument was to play percussion. Not just because the percussion instruments were soothing to my sensory needs, my teenage angst and my adoptee rage, but also because I wanted to be like Peter Furler from the Newsboys who could play a drum solo while his drum set was lifted sideways and spun.
Hey. It was the 90s and Acquire the Fire was LIT. But Mr. Mills, my band director, said I had to learn music theory and the notes before I could play percussion.
So, where did I end up?At the way back of the band…
You guessed it.
In front of a tickling metal xylophone.
The winner of the most annoying instrument is obviously the recorder. But the metal xylophone is a hot second. The noises still make me wince. It was grueling. It was painful. I hated every moment. Eventually my years of playing the piano saved me from the back row and I went on to play percussion. I played a solo in our spring concert on the snare, smashing out the main beats to the theme song from Mission Impossible. I can still play that hot beat to this day and will absent mindedly find myself slamming it out on my dashboard or counter.
Before we can fly, we have to learn to walk.
Before we can play percussion, we have to learn to play the stupid xylophone.
Before we adopt, we have to be educated.
OO. Didn’t see that one coming did you?
Seriously though. The education you are being offered, provided, asked to do, required to do etc. in order to adopt is, for lack of another word, is: shit.
Your adoption education is not one and done. You have to do more. You have to make it lifelong. You have to study it so hard and put it in practice often enough that 25 years later you find yourself absent mindedly smashing it out on your counter without even thinking. You will never get a free pass from your adoptee on your knowledge, whether it’s intentional or not. They will always require you to be learning and educating yourself. From trauma, to reunion, to open adoption, to learning disabilities, to emotional regulation, to the criminal justice system, to the foster care system, to parenting skills, to how to love.
So. Instead of messaging me wondering why you aren’t playing the Mission Impossible theme yet… go back and pick up those mallets for your xylophone.