One time my family was waiting for me to get ready for going out to dinner. I was 16. They were all in the car and I was almost ready but now we were running late. Running late was a grave and mortal sin in my family growing up.
So. After several horn honks, my Dad just left.
I was FURIOUS. I wanted to go. It was a dinner. I just needed five more minutes. I was so angry. I raged and pouted and unleashed on my Dad when he get home. (FYI it did NOT phase him one bit).
I knew I had no reason to be angry. I knew I had dilly-dallied. I knew that they got ready on-time and were growing very impatient waiting for me to get my poop in a group. They were angry with me.
There comes a point in an Adoptees life where we realize that there are people who are holding us back. We are tied too tightly to expectations from society, our adoptive parents, or biological parents, our spouse, or our faith.
There comes a time when we realize that we are experiencing growing pains and if we wait for our loved ones, some who we have looked to for safety and support our entire lives, who aren’t ready to grow with us, or they are headed in an entirely different direction all together, we will miss out.
We can be done waiting.
I am running out of time. I am not waiting any more for people in my story to own their own traumas in order for me to heal. For me to speak my truths.
I’m moving on with my healing. I’m moving on with my educating. I am moving on with my life. I am not the child that was adopted. I am now the adult adoptee and I get to act like an adult. I get to create healthy boundaries and leave people behind when they are not being responsible or accountable in our story. The people who I left behind will be angry. Relationships will be affected. I won’t be as close with some as I have been. I will lose relationships. They will be angry and throw temper tantrums like I did that day when I was left behind.
Things WILL change.
My Dad taught me two lessons that day.
First, get ready on time.
And second, someone’s inability to be on time does not have to be our problem.
I’m not waiting anymore.