Thankful

People always come at me because I don’t talk positively enough about my adoption enough.
It’s always the people who are defensive because my truth pokes their un-dealt with trauma in the tender spots. Their defensiveness isn’t my problem.My problem is getting people to understand that their assumption I should be thankful is saviorism, adoption just is trauma, we need reform, but we have hope.

Being thankful should not be a required part of the definition of being adopted for an adoptee.
No one gets to tell us when we are thankful.We get to tell you when and if that happens in our adoption stories.

I am thankful for a lot of things. But not because of my adoption…
In spite of it.

I’m thankful I was adopted by decent adoptive parents. They did their best in a time where they had hardly any valid education. They saw and acknowledged a lot of things other APs still don’t with the info right in front of them. They have apologized for many of the things they now see were harmful.
I’m thankful for a bio parent that does their best. Never once have they told me how to feel. They follow this account and have acknowledged they don’t understand what it’s like to be an adoptee. That’s a huge gift to me.
I’m thankful for the few bio family members who acknowledge the nuances in my adoption story and love me still.
I’m thankful for a husband who in the middle of a texting tirade replies, “I’m not going to leave you.”
I’m thankful I get to end generational traumas in my family.
I’m thankful I have access to therapy.I’m thankful for the science that proves what adoptees have been screaming for centuries. I’m thankful for finding other adoptees I can feel safe with.

There is SO much I am thankful for. But I’m never thankful for my adoption. It caused me physical and mental harm. As Angela Tucker said, it just gave me a different life than the one I would have had.
I chose to be thankful in spite of it not because of it.

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