Someone told me I was prettier with makeup.
Someone told me that I had big ears.
Someone told me that I looked terrible in yellow.
Someone told my my skin was too aged and my nose too crooked.
Someone wouldn’t date me because my hair was short.
Someone manipulated me into 110 dateable pounds.
Yet. Here I am.
Wearing some of those things and not wearing others.
And I haven’t disappeared off the face of the Earth.
Worth is not a spectrum.
Value is not a commodity.
The real intergenerational trauma is that for millennia these things have been commoditized and the American Dream is just another tactic of evil to fuse patriarchal capitalism into our core beliefs sold in the package of a toxic faith cultures. They are so ingrained in us we see them as reality and truth as they fester decay in our souls.
But here I am.
On the other side.
Defying so much of what was taught to me through generations of good people who were just as duped as me.
My worth is in that I am who I am.
My worth is that nothing else except my very existence reflects God.
Not what I give or take. Not even my gifts or talents. Not my gender or my sex.
Not my dos and do nots. Not the Ten Commandments.
Not fast fashion or what I eat.
Not the form of my body or it’s level of smoothness.
Not whether or not I had sex before marriage or actually got married. Not whether or not I meet the list of expectations from parents or society or my faith.
Worth and value are a fixed point in time when God created man and said it is good. God saw the beginning and the end of humanity even the human judged the least valuable by other humans is still declared good.
I refuse to conform…
I refuse to sit in a system…
I refuse to sit in a faith culture…
I refuse to sit with any industry…
I refuse to sit with an American Dream…
I refuse to sit with any evil that places the worth and value of a human on a spectrum that makes us disconnected with being who we are.
It’s the audacity for me.
The audacity that someone or something else thinks they can place value, worth, control and power over on you because they too fear so they protect themselves with the same lie
The damn audacity