Weird Writer Wears Wedding Dress.

I am weird.

I connect deeply with weird characters. The quote underneath my name on my Facebook profile is currently, “I’m the village crazy lady. That’s my job.” – Gramma Tala, Moana.

I love comedy because comedians get to do weird stuff and no one judges them. They do it, and people laugh. But if I did what they did, people look at me funny. I once wore my wedding dress to Meijer as a dare. I zipped that sucker up, stopped breathing entirely, grabbed my two oldest kids and went to get the week’s groceries. I got two reactions. One was, “OH MY GOSH. This is awesome. You are awesome.” However, the reaction that far outnumbered that one was, “Why? This isn’t normal.” Whether this came through questions, comments, or my favorite, facial expressions, people don’t take to weird very well.

As I’ve stated before, 2019 is the year of light in my family. But recently I have added the word Learning to that as well. The year of Light and Learning. I’m currently being attacked by knowledge, wisdom, people, professionals, books, devotionals etc where the messages all seem to connect, reflect, mirror, repeat and complement each other. I’m becoming VERY suspicious at my God. I THINK he is trying to tell me something, but I’m also asking for a bit more confirmation. Here is what I think he is trying to tell me: Weird is good.

I’ve been praying deeply and fervently about the next step in my life. I feel a very dramatic push and pull from deep down in my gut to move forward into what God is calling me to. It’s become a prayer that I whisper to Him without ceasing. God who am I? Who am I meant to be? God who am I meant to help? God who are my people? God why do I feel my passion isn’t being accepted by those around me? These prayers are on a loop in my head. God give me direction. God give me wisdom. God give me knowledge.

And He is answering. Like a rush of water from a rock in the middle of the dessert.

One day last week I was walking around and out of the blue I felt prompted to read John 1:11.

Here is the verse NIV:  “He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.”
And just like that peace flooded over me. A direct word that even Jesus himself experienced rejection in human form. His own, which could mean His family, His friends, His town, His culture, His faith, His people, the entire human race or all of the above.

Who I am and what I am being called to do has zero to do with being accepted and understood.
Also. If you scroll up a few verse, the writer touches a bit on another John. John the Baptist. John was born specifically to make two announcements. 1: The Messiah is coming. 2: Look. There He is!
Which was exactly what we are called to do. 1: The Messiah came. 2: Look! Here He is!
And guess what.

John the Baptist was a straight up weird guy. Homeless because unlike Millennials, he refused to move back into his parent’s home. Loud. Because he had a lot of shouting to do as sound systems and autotuned were not available to him. He also ate weird things. I’m not sure if this is because he had different taste buds or if he was really trying to drive home the point that he was a weird dude and the guy who he was trying to tell you about, was probably also a little weird.

The thing is that Jesus uses weird people. Misfits. Criminals. Prostitutes. Drug addicts. Poor people. Mentally unhealthy people. Physically broken people. Heck Jesus even used a jackass for Pete’s sake. (Pete may be short for Peter. The rock of the church. Who knows.) Loud people. Because even though we do have access to sound systems, the power may go out.

All of this because you may just need to visually and audibly notice someone before you listen to them.

John the Baptist was weird. Because if he had been a normal average Pharisee or Tax Collector wearing normal things and eating normal food… you would have paid him any mind or headed his decree. Which BTW, spoiler alert, was pretty much the greatest story of all time.

But what stops us from living into our own weirdness?
Short answer: Fear.
Fear of what surrounds us.
Now let’s circle that back…

“He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.

There is a good chance that what you are surrounded with, what is “your own” may be the very thing that is preventing you from living INTO your own self. I could start with a list of things, but at the very core of all of those excuses and lists is fear.

We fear rejection.
We fear shame.
We fear pain.
We fear being alone.
We fear unworthiness.
We fear being wrong.

You name it. Fear is the basis of it.

We are given these blessings of personality traits, character flaws, talents, gifts, abilities, and the ability to learn in order to use them. Going unused they just sit. You just sit. You fall short of who you were meant to be.(SING IT LOUD Switchfoot!)Take stock today of who you are. Write it all down. Everything I listed above. Even our flaws can help mark the direction of our future. People who are bad at math should not be anesthesiologist. People who hate animals… probably not a good vet.

Let me say this, I hope you aren’t living into the gifts and talents you have because you are afraid of who and what you call “your own.”

Here’s a personal confession.

It absolutely terrifies me to write in front of my husband. Even if he can’t see what I am writing about. CLEARLY writing is a gift I have. I’m not perfect, but I can do it pretty damned well. But I cannot write in front of my husband. Because I am terrified of Him rejecting what I write. I LONG for Mondays because I can sit and do my devotions, read my books and WRITE. Without him over my shoulder. Which he doesn’t really do, but that’s what I feel like. It’s a fear based quirk that obviously hinders my writing because well… he is my husband and he is around a lot.

Living into what we were crafted to be is scary and we won’t do it without some fear, but not doing it means death. Death to who we really are and the things we really can do. I pray that you don’t stop living into who you are because you are afraid of a family member or two, or afraid of a friendship ending, or worst-case scenario, being publicly mocked. BTW John the Baptist was publicly mocked. But he also ate crickets.

But I eat crickets. SO.

What have we got to lose?
It can’t be worse than losing ourselves and faith.

To heck with it.
Let’s be weird.

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3 thoughts on “Weird Writer Wears Wedding Dress.

  1. charlypriest says:

    You connect with weird people? Then I´m going to read you, I´m weirder than Santa Clause. Tell me he does exist!
    Another weird thing, since you said you where terrifiead about writing in front of your husband, I got a solution to terry him. Write a weird note and stick it in whatever he is going to wear that day, and I can picture the man going through his pokets and finding some weird not and him thinking, what the fu….k?

    It was a fun read.

    With time I hope to explore more of your blog or I call it, ¨doing my cool stalker moves¨.

    Liked by 1 person

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