Dear Adoptive Parent,
You are not ever going to be “enough” for your adopted child.
(Spoiler alert: No parent is ever “enough” for their children. )
Every day I have Adoptive Parents come into my DMs and say they are scared they are not going to be enough for their adopted children ( I had THREE just yesterday so don’t @ me with this being about you).
You can’t be enough.
So stop trying so hard.
We are all broken people. We live in a broken world.
It just is what it is.
I’m sorry the adoption industry sold you the lie that adopting a child would make you enough for someone.
I’m sorry the adoption industry and your church made you think that adoption is the perfect example of the biblical redemptive narrative.
But here is the truth that tracks:
Not even God claims to be enough for us.
That’s why he made Eve for Adam. Not even the perfect relationship with God was enough for man. Adam was still in need. That’s why He is a trinity. That’s why we need Jesus. Because God alone is not enough.
No parent will ever be enough. That’s why we have daycare workers, and teachers, and coaches, and Aunties and Uncles, and Grandparents, and neighbors, and best friends, and churches, and school committees, and clubs, and babysitters.
Maybe you are exhausted and tired and burnt out because your expectations and beliefs need to be adjusted.
(Or maybe you are just exhausted and tired and burnt out because you are a parent and parenting is exhausting and overwhelming.)
But stop trying to be enough because it is an unreachable goal. One that will bend you over backwards and break you and/or child if you don’t let it go.
You want to know what to do?
Stop working so damn hard to be enough and just show up when your kid needs you.
Because attachment and attunement and relationship are more about you being there than getting it right.
Just be there.