Expect Me to Change

Expect me to change.
.
Expect me to vacillate.
.
I’ve had to create a million different versions of myself in order to survive.
.
I’ll be who I was one minute, another person the next, and then circle back around again to my safety net.
.
When I breath in, I am one person.
When I exhale, another.
.
I’m shifting and changing and transfigurating.
.
I rise up anew one day, only to lay down and decay the other.
.
I’ve lived a thousand different lives and tried on three hundred different skins.
Only to find the inner child still stays within.
.
Hold onto hope with each new past that this cast of me will be the last.
I create and I dine on the divine that I see kindling inside.
.But we aren’t home yet. We aren’t out of the woods.
There’s still faces to use and skins to hoist askew.
.All because I will never feel at home with you.
.
Onward I traipse on into the battle royal.
Recreating myself day after day in search of a skin that feels just right.
So. Don’t be surprised when I show up not right. . I’m changing. I’m vacillating. .The version of me you knew from before has been shed long ago.
Laying somewhere on my bedroom floor.
Wrinkled and worn and too abused to be used.
.
But that’s who I was and your expectations are on you.
.
I’m new.
.
I’ll be new again tomorrow.
.
I’m sorry you thought that it was my skin you could borrow.
.
But deep down in my fragmented heart
The divine is sparking. It’s trying to start.
Crack by crack it’s filling in.
Who I was supposed to be…
Who I was meant to be then…
.
Before I was borrowed, taken and used.
Before I was violated, touched and abused.
.
She’s there, deep down under in all of her femme.
.
Starting to burn and remember who she was …
.
Way back when.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: